If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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