And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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