i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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