it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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