Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
