Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize