I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
