I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
