i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
