We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
