The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
