walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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