she is the kim kardashian of front butts
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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