They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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