I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
