Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
