Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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