i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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