We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
