Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
