As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
