OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
NoShamevember. You game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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