I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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