Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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