HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
