Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
