His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
