i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
