My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize