I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
