I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
