It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
