I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize