This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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