and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
