running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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