What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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