1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
