She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
