Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
