it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
