Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
