she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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