I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
