The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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