I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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