Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
