she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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