i just wanna soil my oats bro
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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