party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
