I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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