WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
