i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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