If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
