So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
