I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
