I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
