Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw a hot homeless man
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
