take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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