I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
