plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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