You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
