Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize