I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
