there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
