i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
