HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
