remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
