MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You don't make any sense
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