I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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