I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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