Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
