God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
