whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
