We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
