The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
