mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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