People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
