There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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