hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
