Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
that is very illegal...i love you.
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